Mum: Why is your room always so messy?
Me: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, they’ll trip over something and die.
(Source: whenmomentsblog)
I don’t care who you fucking think you are
If a kid wants to show you something they’re proud of, you better fucking act impressed
I don’t care if it’s a small score on a video game or a piece of art made of nothing but blue paint or even a fucking fake burp
You better fucking act like you just saw Jesus materialize out of thin air.
a kid from my school just got expelled today for pretending to be russian for 8 months. he pretended he couldn’t read, write or talk english he did good in all his classes because he had all the teachers and principles convinced he just moved from russia, so they didn’t make him do any work
